Forgiveness is a Futile Thing
by Angel Spit
Summary: Helga is coming home after being in a detention center...so what went wrong for her?


Forgiveness is a Futile Thing  
  
  
"Finally," grumbled Helga as she got out of the car. She was returning home after spending 3 years in a detention center. Helga sighed at the memory. Her secret love for Arnold had built up so much anger and resentment that one day she just cracked. She saw the bloodshed in her mind eye as she bashed him up. Not dead, but comatose. Her beloved Arnold. She remembered getting dragged away by the cops, then the horrendous court case, and finally being taken to the detention center. Her parents were horrified that a Pataki was being sent to something like that, but they were helpless against the law. 3 years for assault and mental abuse. But Helga didn't care about the punishment. They could have sent her to prison for life and she wouldn't have cared. But she never forgave herself for hurting the one she loved so much. Now, 3 years later, she was coming back to face her demons. At first she was surprised that Arnold hadn't put a restraining order on her but then she realised that Arnold would never do such a thing.   
  
"Come on Helga, get those bags inside. You need an early night to you'll get to school on time tomorrow."  
  
Her father's voice broke her thoughts, so she turned to take her bags up to her room.  
  
//I guess some things do change.//  
  
*  
  
Tick. Tick. Tick.   
  
Helga couldn't sleep. Too many things were buzzing around in her mind. Plus that annoying alarm clock was getting on her nerves. She got up and paced around her room for a while.   
  
//What if he hates me? What if all my friends ignore me? What if...//  
*  
  
The next day came around too soon for Helga. She knew what she had to do, but she wasn't looking forward to doing it. Miriam gave her a stiff kiss on the cheek and wished Helga good luck as she got out of the car. With a nervous glance towards the departing car, she walked towards the school, hoping that everything would turn out all right.   
  
*  
  
"Class, I'd like you to meet your new classmate, Helga Pataki."  
  
There were scattered murmurs from throughout the room. Helga's appearance had shocked a lot of the classmates, and she even thought she heard some quiet sobs/wheezes coming from the back. Helga tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, and turned to look at her class. They all had blank looks on their faces, and Helga was not quite sure what to think of the reaction.  
  
"Helga, you can sit next to Phoebe."  
  
She moved quickly to her seat, knowing that the classes eyes were following her every movement. As she sat down she turned to Phoebe and offered her friend a warm smile. But Phoebe just glared icily at her, and turned back to the teacher. Helga was confused, because she wasn't sure why her best friend wouldn't even smile at her.   
  
//Ex best friend it seems, Helga...// she thought sadly. Helga opened her book, and tried to concentrate on the class, but couldn't.  
  
//I guess I can't really blame her...I mean, I did almost kill a classmate. What am I going to do?//  
  
*  
  
"Hey, Arnold, can I speak to you for a minute?"  
  
Helga held her books nervously in front of her as she walked up to Arnold.   
  
"Sure Helga, what?"  
  
Helga was taken aback momentarily by the hate in his voice, but remembered what she had done.  
  
"Umm, well, I just want to apologize for what I did. I know this is 3 years late, but circumstances kind of with held me from doing it sooner. I can't even believe that I did it. I just don't want to live the rest of my life with this burden heavy on my shoulders."  
  
Helga inhaled deeply and almost felt a great weight lift off her shoulders. Arnold's face looked thoughtful for a moment, then he spoke.  
  
"Helga, I don't forgive you. I don't know why you beat me up all those years ago, and I don't even want to know. But you had no reason to! I mean, those three years without you were great, blissful even! I don't know why you came back, because no one is going to speak to you here. You have no life here, so you might as well leave."  
  
Each word was like an icy shard in her heart, and as Arnold turned around and walked off, her soul died.  
  
"It ends."  
  
And as she pulled the knife out of her pocket and across her wrists, she woke up.  
  
*  
  
Helga sat up, her breath coming out in short gasps. Her bed sheets were twisted around her, and most of her pillows were on the floor around her.  
  
"It was just a dream..."  
  
She put a hand up to her head and held it for a moment, when something warm and wet trickled down her arm.  
  
Blood.   
  
She reached out to turn on her beside lamp when something cold came within her grasp. It was the knife from the dream, with blood along the blade.   
  
"Oh god..."  
  
She leapt out of bed and ran to the bathroom.  
  
*  
  
After the dream, Helga's life changed. She started showing her true self to her friends, and eventually got up enough courage to tell Arnold her secret. But Helga kept the knife by her bed, as a constant reminder that forgiveness can often be a killer.  



End file.
